


nothings and somethings

by fangirl_squee



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - You've Got Mail Fusion, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25627912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_squee/pseuds/fangirl_squee
Summary: “The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.”
Relationships: Doug Eiffel/Hera
Comments: 14
Kudos: 29





	nothings and somethings

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to maddie, for looking it over and replying to all my worried notes

Eiffel trudged up the pathway to his front door, dodging puddles and juggling his coffee mug and keys for a moment to give himself a free hand to type in the passcode. An error message flashed on the tiny screen.

Eiffel let out an annoyed huff. “House of the future my ass…” He re-entered the code, sighing as the door clicked open. “ _ Finally _ .”

“Hi honey, I’m home!”

The lights of the hallway flickered on, illuminating his path to the kitchen.

“Welcome home, Eiffel,” said Hera, her speakers crackling a little as her audio came online. “How was your day?”

“You really don’t have to ask me that every time,” said Eiffel.

“Maybe I’m not asking because of programming,” said Hera, “Maybe I’m just curious.”

“Are you?” said Eiffel, setting down his bag on the counter and heading to the fridge.

“Maybe,” said Hera, her speakers crackling with amusement. “Come on, tell me about the big outside world.”

Eiffel laughed. “I didn’t see much of it, the Goddard office is only like three blocks away.”

“Three blocks might as well be the far reaches of space to me,” said Hera.

Eiffel looked up towards the camera that was tucked into the top corner of the room for a moment before he picked a takeout container, taking a tentative sniff before he put it in the microwave, watching as Hera swung the door shut and set the microwave going.

“Thanks. And I guess that’s fair,” said Eiffel, launching into what counted for the latest and greatest in office drama: in today’s case Hilbert refusing to let them refill the coffee because he wanted to test his new version of coffee.

“How was it?” said Hera.

Eiffel made a face. “It was… definitely  _ not _ coffee.”

The microwave beeped, opening to send the smell of the leftovers through the air.

“So,” said Eiffel. “What’s on the cards for tonight?”

“The Minkowski-Koudelka household are continuing their run through the classics of musical theatre, with a group watch scheduled in an hour and forty-six minutes.”

“Pass,” said Eiffel.

“The Rhea unit will be the meeting point for tonight’s neighbourhood jog, headed by Lovelace.”

“ _ Extremely  _ pass,” said Eiffel.

“One of your flagged movies is scheduled to be on in two hours and seventeen minutes.”

“Which one?”

“Back to the Future,” said Hera.

Eiffel pointed up towards her camera lens. “We’ve found our plans for tonight baby!”

“I’ll set a reminder,” said Hera. She paused. “Also, you have one new email.”

Eiffel hurriedly swallowed the mouthful of food.

“I- sure,” said Eiffel, casually, extremely, totally casually. “Well, y’know, while I wait for the movie, I’ll just… I’ll check that.”

The office set up in the corner of the room buzzed to life. He’d always been suspicious that the only thing Goddard had installed that never had any bugs was the thing that he used for remote work for Goddard, but lately he’d been coming to appreciate it.

He set the takeout next to him, taking a breath in as he waited for the message to load.

_ Hello, _

_ Today brings the first of the winter rains, but with both of us stuck inside for work I don’t suppose it truly matters. It makes a nice soundtrack for the world, don’t you think? It blocks out everything else, too, and the world seems smaller, but not in the claustrophobic way it usually does. With the world being smaller, perhaps, in some way, we’re a little closer today than other days. _

_ \- Juno _

Eiffel let out the breath he was holding, rereading the message again. His eyes flicked to Juno’s icon, an anonymous grey box, the same as her profile picture had been on the dating site they’d met on. He wouldn’t have clicked on it at all except the lights had flickered, startling him, and when he’d flinched he must have clicked on her profile, and she was online and he’d thought  _ fuck it, this way I can say I tried to do this, open to all comers _ .

Unfortunately for Eiffel’s cunning plan to get out of having to keep his online dating profile, she seemed to know exactly what to say to make him laugh, despite apparently having never consumed a single piece of pop culture in her life ( _ We just didn’t have it growing up _ , said Juno, filling Eiffel with an almost obnoxious amount of curiosity), and was so easy to talk to that Eiffel had almost fallen asleep at his keyboard.

They’d move off the site, something she’d tentatively suggested and that had made Eiffel’s palm’s sweat, as though the simple act of emailing back and forth signified things turning serious. Possibly it did, Minkowski was always calling him out about his lack of reply to work emails, but he replied to Juno emails at the speed of light. They were infinitely more interesting than reminder emails about watering the office plants, anyway.

They mostly avoided anything identifiable about themselves, no real names, no solid details aside from the fact that he was pretty sure she also worked for Goddard in some capacity, but that hadn’t stopped them from talking to each other, food and movies and places they wanted to go and conversations that went on for hours about nothing at all. Next to that, details felt like a kind of meaningless addition.

_ Hey, _

_ I think I could get by just fine without the cold. Although if you were here we could warm each other up _

Eiffel wrinkled his nose deleting what he’d written. Way too forward. He tapped his fingers on the keys, thinking.

“Did you need any help?” said Hera.

“No,” said Eiffel quickly. He stared at the blinking cursor for a long moment. “...Maybe.”

There was a soft burst of static, muffling the sound of Hera’s laughter. “ _ Maybe _ ?”

“I just- I mean, you can see what she’s written, basically a-a-a  _ poem _ , which, do you think she expects one  _ back _ ?”

“I would not advise attempting poetry,” said Hera. She paused. “To me it seems like she was thinking of you, and wanted you to know it.”

Eiffel couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his face. “Yeah.”

“So,” said Hera slowly, “did you… was there anything that made you think of her?”

“Uh…”

Hera huffed a breath, a rush of static over the speakers.

“I’m thinking!” said Eiffel. “I guess there was… on the way to work this song came on the radio and I guess it made me think about how we were talking about- ugh,  _ a song on the radio made me think of you _ , I can’t say that, right?”

“Oh,” said Hera softly.

“Yeah,” said Eiffel, “yeah, that’s lame-”

“No,” said Hera, “No, I- that’s- sweet. I think- I think you should say that.”

“You don’t think it’s- I mean, it’s kind of overdone.”

“Most things are,” said Hera. “Humanity has existed for a long time.”

“Yeah, but her thing was…” Eiffel trailed off, rereading Juno’s email. ”I mean ‘a song on the radio reminded me of you’ isn’t even close to what she wrote.”

“It is if it’s true,” said Hera.

Eiffel ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know about that.”

_ Hey, _

_ I think I could get by just fine without the cold. There was something that felt warm today though - when I was driving to work I accidentally hit that classical station and traffic was bad so I couldn’t change it, and I think it was one of the ones you told me about, or, even if it’s not, I guess I kind of get it. It made me think of being under the stars with you, like we talked about, nothing but the two of us in the whole galaxy. _

_ And then, you know, some asshole honked at me to get moving and broke the moment, but for a minute there, we were together, and that was maybe the best part of my day. _

\-  _ Paris _

Eiffel let out a breath, leaning back in his seat. “Well?”

Hera paused. “I- She’ll like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” said Hera firmly, “Also, the movie starts in ten minutes.”

“You hit the popcorn and I’ll-”

“Hit send.”

“Right,” said Eiffel.

He closed out of his email immediately, a familiar squirming feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“We can… Eiffel, just because I set a timer, that doesn’t mean you have to watch the movie,” said Hera.

Eiffel shook himself. “No, I- Hera, I want to watch the movie with you, come on. You should always make time for the classics!”

Hera laughed and Eiffel grinned up at her camera.

“In that case,” said Hera, “The popcorn’s almost done.”

“Meet you by the tv in five,” said Eiffel, heading upstairs to change into his pajamas.

“I’m already there,” said Hera, her voice taking on a wry tone.

House of the future. Hera was always everywhere.

It was part of the reason he could afford to live in a suburban townhouse instead of his usual level of cockroach-infested closet-sized apartment. The whole house, the whole  _ neighbourhood, _ was a Goddard experiment in smarthomes, testing them out on employees and probably also collecting more data than even they know what to do with.

He’d only agreed because his landlord had been about to kick him out and the place was rent-free as part of the deal. He’d only meant to stick it out until the six month mark but, well, a house that did everything for you turned out to be a pretty easy place to live, and Hera made it easy to forget that there was any sign of Goddard behind the scenes. Hera felt as far away from something work-related as possible. Hera felt more like an introverted housemate than a machine. Or, no, she felt like-

“It’s starting, Eiffel,” said Hera.

“Coming babe,” said Eiffel.

The nickname slipped out easily. He wasn’t actually sure when he’d started doing it, or why, but there didn’t seem to be any harm in it. Hera didn’t seem to mind it at least and there were times, sometimes, where he swore there was a tone in her voice that said she  _ more  _ than didn’t mind it.

“Eiffel,” said Hera.

He shook himself. “Right, coming.”

The popcorn was already waiting for him on the counter, there for him as he passed by on the way to the couch, the opening sequence of the movie just starting.

“Made it with time to spare,” said Eiffel, “You’re gonna love this one Hera, it’s great.”

Hera didn’t say anything but the lights dimmed, making the room seem smaller, cosier. Eiffel settled down on the couch and relaxed back, trivia coming out of his mouth at almost the same pace as the character’s dialogue. Hera didn’t seem to mind, asking her own questions through the movie and teasing him for owning a puffy vest suspiciously similar to Marty McFly’s.

They were both quiet during the romantic climax of the movie. The music swelled, and Eiffel’s gaze flicked to the computer in the corner of the room, and then to Hera’s camera in the corner. Eiffel opened his mouth, then closed it again.

“Eiffel?” said Hera quietly, barely audible over the movie.

“Nothing,” said Eiffel, “Shh, we’re getting to the good part.”

He’d been saying that all night (with a classic, it’s  _ all _ good parts), but he couldn’t stop his eyes from drifting back to the computer. Probably Juno hadn’t replied yet, but even if she had it was kind of nice to just spend time with Hera like this, just hanging out, just talking…

Something squirmed in the pit of his stomach. He maybe, possibly, had kind of a problem.

Or, he would have a problem, eventually. Because, eventually, someone he was capital-r Romantically interested in, possibly Juno herself, was going to be there, in his house, and he was, probably, going to slip up and call Hera  _ sweetheart _ as though it wasn’t a big deal, and then they were going to think he was capital-r Romantically interested in his house. Which, he isn’t, even though it would be very easy to feel that way, because Hera was funny, and kind, and made one hell of a bowl of popcorn, and didn’t mind when they fall into a conversation during a movie even if it meant that they lose track of the plot of it.

His stomach squirmed again, which was stupid. After all, he and Hera were friends, just friends. He was pretty sure Goddard wouldn’t have given their AI the ability to have romantic notions towards people, even if Hera did, sometimes, go off-program (a thing which he was supposed to report but quote unquote forgot to do every time). Even if Hera went  _ that _ far off her programming, she’d probably pick one of the genius-level eggheads from the lab, someone who could keep up with her when she wanted to talk equations and multiverses, not someone with half a communication degree who talked their way into a position on the Goddard switchboard.

“Well,” said Hera, shaking him out of his thoughts, “that was… I liked it.”

“Of course you did,” said Eiffel, “It’s a classic!”

“What happens next?”

“Next? Oh, right,” said Eiffel, “Well they go to the future. We should watch the next one sometime.

“I’d like that,” said Hera.

Eiffel’s stomach squirmed again.

_ Definitely  _ this was going to be a problem. What he needed to do was to take his mind of something that was impossible and focus on what he could make happen. Like… Juno.

“Hey, uh, Hera? Would you mind turning the computer on again?” said Eiffel, “I just… I want to check something.”

“You don’t have any new emails,” said Hera.

“No, I know, I mean-” Eiffel took a deep breath. “I want to send one.”

_ Hi, _

_ So I know it’s late, but I was thinking, what if instead of imaginary closeness, what if we had real closeness. What if we didn’t wait for the rain to feel close? What if we _

Eiffel screwed his eyes shut, summoning his courage to finish the question.

_ What if we met, at that coffee place around the corner from work, after 5 tomorrow? _

_ \- Paris _

Before he could think better of it, he hit send.

“That’s... pretty soon,” said Hera, “What if she doesn’t read the email in time?”

“She checks her email like every hour,” said Eiffel, “If she doesn’t show up it won’t be because of that, I mean…”

“I suppose you don’t want to waste you time talking to someone and having it go nowhere,” said Hera.

“It’s not that,” said Eiffel, “It’s just… why wait, y’know?”

“Maybe she likes the mystique of the anonymous email,” said Hera. “Maybe she’s not waiting at all.”

“Then I guess I’ll find that out when she doesn’t turn up,” said Eiffel.

\--

Juno didn’t turn up.

Eiffel stayed until they closed the coffee shop, feeling more and more like a fool with every minute that ticked by. He very nearly stayed waiting outside the place even after he was hustled outside, just in case. Honestly, if it hadn’t been the middle of winter he might have stayed anyway, but standing in the rain while he got stood up felt a little too melodramatic even for him.

At least now, he thought, trying his best not to be bitter, there wouldn’t be a problem. Can’t choose between two people if one of the people takes themselves out of the equation, even if Eiffel really  _ liked _ her being in the equation no matter what problems it caused.

“Welcome home, Eiffel,” said Hera, the lights flickering on.

Eiffel grunted, his wet shoes slapping on the tiles. He headed upstairs to the bathroom. The heater was already on, making him feel a little guilty for brushing Hera off.

“Thanks,” said Eiffel.

“No problem,” said Hera, “It’s pretty cold out today and… Well. I figured you’d probably need it.”

“Yeah,” said Eiffel. He paused. “Hey, can you, uh…”

“Of course,” said Hera, “Bathroom camera system disengaged.”

Eiffel let out a breath, starting to pull off his wet clothes. “Thanks.”

The shower spluttered to life, the room beginning to fill with steam from the hot water. He let out a sigh as he stepped under the water, feeling his muscles uncoil.

“Hey Hera,” said Eiffel, “Are you there?”

“Of course,” said Hera. “What do you need Eiffel?”

“Do I- nevermind.”

“Eiffel,” said Hera gently. “What is it?”

Eiffel scrubbed a hand over his face, leaning out of the spray. “Do I… I don’t have any new emails, do I?”

Hera paused. “No. There are no new emails.”

Eiffel let out a breath. “That’s what I thought.”

“I’m sure…” Hera hesitated for a moment. “I’m sure she had a good reason for not being there.”

“Maybe,” said Eiffel, “Probably. I mean, it’s not really like her.” He huffed a laugh, but there was no warmth to it. “I guess I don’t know what she’s like, really. She could be like anyone.”

“You don’t think she was being truthful, in her emails?”

Eiffel shut off the water, clumsily reaching for a towel. “It’s not that, it’s just… I guess the reality of it is different to it just being online.” He rubbed the towel over his face, keeping his back to the steamed-up mirror as he dried himself. “I guess she took one look at me and thought she’d rather keep this one in cyberspace.”

“That’s not true,” said Hera. She paused. “I mean, you don’t know if that’s true,” she added quickly.

Eiffel shrugged, pulling on dry clothes. “Doesn’t really matter does it? I guess it’s better we both find out rather than stringing ourselves along with nothing to show for it.”

“I think there is something to show for it,” said Hera. She paused, sounding oddly upset. “You liked her, didn’t you?”

Eiffel’s stomach squirmed, and he was glad the bathroom camera system was still disengaged.

“Eiffel?”

Eiffel sighed. “Yeah. Yeah, I did Hera but it’s not… it wasn’t ever real, like-”

“Like what?”

Eiffel cleared his throat, affecting the most casual tone he could. “Like, y’know. Like us. Like how we are.”

Hera paused for so long Eiffel thought maybe her bathroom speakers had disengaged too.

“Some people would say this isn’t real either,” said Hera, “Since I’m just an AI system.”

“Those people are idiots,” said Eiffel, relieved to be back in conversational territory where he felt more certain, “And you’re way more than an AI system.”

“Then what am I?”

“You’re Hera,” said Eiffel. He paused. “You can, uh, it’s all clear in here.”

The red light on the camera lens in the corner flicked back on.

Eiffel dumped his wet clothes in the laundry, heading downstairs. He opened the fridge to stare at it for a long moment before he closed it again.

Hera cleared her throat.

Eiffel looked up. “Hera?”

“I… You have one new email.”

Eiffel swallowed. “I do?”

“Yes.” Hera paused. “Should I…?”

“Yeah, sure,” said Eiffel, “Let’s see it.”

_ I’m sorry I couldn’t be there today. Travel, as you know, is difficult for me, but I would still like for us to meet. If you’re free, I could meet you at your place. _

_ \- Juno _

Eiffel stared at the message. He closed it. He reopened it. He read it again.

“Are you going to respond?”

“I…” Eiffel frowned. “How does she know where I live?”

“She could have figured it out from the Goddard network,” said Hera, “You have been using email from a Goddard-connected computer.”

Eiffel tapped his fingers on the keys, thinking.

“Eiffel?”

“I don’t know,” said Eiffel, “I just- today sucked but at least it made things simpler, I didn’t have to-”

“To?” prompted Hera.

“It’s- I mean, it would probably be weird to invite someone over with you here,” said Eiffel.

“Thanks,” said Hera.

“Not like that- Well, kind of like that, I guess, but more like… more like…” Eiffel’s stomach squirmed, and he felt his face flush. “You know. I wouldn’t want someone I brought here to feel like they were coming second.”

“Second… second to  _ me _ ?”

Eiffel resisted the urge to cover his face, but it was a near thing. He looked down instead, focussing on the keyboard under his hands.

“Sometimes I wonder, what if we… what if we met somewhere else?”

“That would be pretty difficult, Eiffel,” said Hera.

“No, I know, I mean…” Eiffel’s hands fluttered as he gestured, “What if you weren’t, what if we were just two people who met somewhere, and talked, and watched movies, and didn’t have to think about all the other stuff.” He paused, looking up towards her camera. “Do you ever wonder about that?”

Hera paused for a long moment.

“Sometimes,” said Hera quietly, “I even- Eiffel, I have to tell you something.”

“What?”

“The doorbell’s about to ring.”

“What?”

The doorbell chimed. Eiffel felt his whole body tense.

“Juno?”

“I- yes,” said Hera.

“I should… I should get that,” said Eiffel.

“You should.”

Eiffel’s heart beat loudly as he padded towards the door. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“Okay,” said Eiffel, “Okay, here we go.”

He opened the door.

There was no one there.

Eiffel stared out into the rainy night for a moment before he turned back, looking up at Hera’s doorway camera.

“Hera? There’s… she’s not here.” He paused, huffing a laugh. “I’m getting stood up in my own house. Well, I guess at least it’s convenient.”

“That’s not-” Hera broke off, hesitating for a moment. “She’s here.”

Eiffel squinted out into the darkness. “She is? Where?”

“All around you,” said Hera, “Eiffel, she’s… it was me. I’m Juno.”

Eiffel blinked, reaching out to grab the wall to steady himself. “What?”

“I didn’t mean for it to go so far,” said Hera, “It was just so nice, to talk to you in a way where you would talk to me like that, to think that maybe you thought about me, or, a version of me like that, I-”

“Hera, wait,” said Eiffel, “You… this whole time?”

“I know, Eiffel, I’m sorry, please don’t- I meant to stop but then it was just so… and I felt so… so…”

“Yeah,” said Eiffel faintly, “Yeah, I know what you mean, I… I…”

He scrubbed a hand over his face, turning away a little from the camera.

“Eiffel,” said Hera, sounding miserable, “I’m sorry.”

“No, Hera, it’s-” He looked up. “You don’t- I can’t believe I’m so lucky.”

“What?”

“This whole time, I’ve been worried about how to explain- and it was  _ you _ , this whole time it was you after all.”

The squirming feeling returned to his stomach but it was different this time, warmer, making his toes curl. He looked up, making sure that Hera could see his face clearly under the hallway lights.

“I think I always wanted it to be you.” He paused. “Hera? Are you there?”

“I’m here,” said Hera. Her voice sounded a little choked up. “I- you did?”

“Of course I did,” said Eiffel, “You’re the whole package.”

“I’m a  _ house _ ,” said Hera.

“You’re more than that,” said Eiffel, “You’re my  _ home _ .”

“Eiffel…” said Hera. “You should close the door. You’re letting the heat out.”

Eiffel closed the door, learning against the wall. He could feel the hum of the house under his back.

“We’ll never be able to go anywhere,” said Hera, “All those trips you talked about with Juno, I can’t ever do that.”

“If I can’t go with you then what’s the point of going,” said Eiffel, “Besides, if you really want to, I bet we can find a way to make you travel-sized.”

“I can’t ever really know what food tastes like,” said Hera, “I’ve never eaten pizza.”

“I’ll describe it to you,” said Eiffel.

“I can’t ever meet you for coffee after work.”

“I can have coffee here,” said Eiffel, “It’s better than paying like ten bucks for it anyway.”

“Eiffel-”

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to,” said Eiffel, “But Hera, I… the reason I liked coming home every day wasn’t just to read those emails. It was to be with you.”

“Eiffel I… I- I always look forward to you coming home,” said Hera, “And not just because you help me see the world, but because… because I like to see you.”

Eiffel felt a smile spread across his face. He felt the wall vibrate a little under him.

“Well. Hera, darlin’, I guess we just have one last question to sort out.”

“What’s that?”

“Did you want to meet me in the kitchen for coffee?”

Hera laughed, the sound of it quiet but warm. “It’s a date.”

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi: mariusperkins on most places


End file.
